Kelly is off spending an entire week in bed with her boyfriend, I mean… getting a tan… in Jamaica so you’ll have to settle for me today.
We all hate her a little bit for that vacation, don’t we? We’re here, suffering through the holiday season (if you read my blog, you know I’m negative this time of year, if not – now you do) while she’s sipping umbrella drinks and exploiting Jamaican natives while they fan her with palm leaves.
She’s lucky I like her, or I’d be pissed. But I do like her. So it’s all good.
Kelly is a part of a group of Internet friends I’ve acquired that I wouldn’t trade for the world. We’ve met in real life and all, but the majority of our relationship thrives via email, and it’s kind of awesome.
This particular group of Internet friends is awesome, because we’re all basically the same bitch – with a few minor differences.
I wouldn’t trade this group for the world. As much as I love my real-life friends (aka, friends I met places other than through my blog), there is a particular set of skills that these girls have that I just couldn’t live without.
Internet friends can say meaner things to you, because they don’t have to see you cry after. I won’t say these girls are mean to me, but sometimes I get that dose of tough love I need to pull myself out of my own ass. Real life friends hesitate to do this, because then they have to see my ugly crying face. It’s not pretty.
Internet friends make you get your fat ass to the gym. This is partly because I ask them to make me go, but partly because they stand to lose nothing from me actually going to the gym. Real life friends want to go drink and do other non-healthy things because I’m there in person to actually hang out with. Real life friends are a bad influence in that way. Internet friends send you emails in all caps telling you to get to the gym or they’ll make you get down on your knees and beg… Or something like that, I’m actually not sure I remember how that exchange went down now. That sounds wrong…
Internet friends tell you dirty sex stories. Now, most of my real-life friends do this too, but when you have an email thread of five girls trading penis tales, shit gets really interesting. And no one holds back because you don’t have to look them in the eye after.
Internet friends listen to all your work woes, because they have nothing better to do. Let’s face it, 99% of the time you’re emailing back and forth in an email thread – it’s because you have nothing better to do. These girls listen to me bitch about work all day, and save me from having a psychotic break at least once a week. Even if it’s because they’re bored off their asses, it means a lot to me.
So yeah, even though I’m pretty bitter about Kelly’s vacation, she’s a pretty important part of my day-to-day life. Without my Internet friends I’d be narcissistic, fat, sexless and crying under my desk at work. And no one wants that.